A Father’s Advice (in Two Parts)
/Inspired by Ogden Nash's poem "Advice Outside a Church."
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For his Daughter: If You Plan to Marry a Man
If your mother was here,
I’m sure she’d draw near
with advice wise and nice,
very sweet to your ear.
But since I’m alone,
I’d best not use the phone—
if I call I would bawl
for the loss that we’ve known.
If you should plan
to marry a man,
it behooves you to find
the best one you can,
who’ll walk close beside you
to help you and guide you
and when he’s above you,
will pull you, not shove you.
He’ll be a swell dad
and not a foul cad,
a washer and cooker,
perhaps a good looker
who’ll earn enough bread
with a true, level head,
and won’t only play in
but help make your bed.
He’ll laugh along with you
and carry a tithue
to dry your damp eye
’neath a dark, cloudy sky.
A wonderful guy
whose life isn’t a lie;
who’ll be honest and true
when he says, “I love you.”
Then, if you find
that your heart’s on his mind
and you’ve come to learn, too,
that his heart’s within you,
please marry this man—
set a date for your plan—
for there’s reason to hope
that he’s not just a dope.
For a Hopeful Son-in-Law
If you hope to twirl a girl,
don’t feed her lines which make her hurl.
Your bawdy stories just might dock her—
in that case, why not just sock her?
Never assume a locker room
is where she’s searching for a groom.
Even if she plays the tart
and fills a phrase with gutter art,
still seek and find her gentler heart
for sometimes we all play a part—
most often just to get along—
for we’re all hoping to belong
while deep within we shun what’s wrong.
Don’t forget to add some polish:
clean your act and don’t demolish
work begun in hopeful fun—
you’re in to win and not to stun.
Prepare for a long-distance run,
for this is how dear hearts are won.
Learn what she wants; fulfill each need.
Accomplish this by word and deed.
Forsooth, in truth, this game we’re in,
when played just right, is when both win.
Consider, too, that if you marry,
sometimes she’ll be quite contrary,
oft’ your fiercest adversary,
reaping for her cemetery!
So take care: be kind but wary—
there’s a pit in every cherry.
Yet, with tender, loving care
each pit may blossom in spring’s air,
its petals falling on your bed
reminding you of why you wed.
If she’s the girl you’d like to twirl,
her body, mind, and heart will whirl
when comes the season
you’re the reason
that she chooses to unfurl.
By Ken Gosse
From: United States
Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/ken.gosse/